


the monkey on your back is the latest trend

by guycecil



Category: Gintama
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-01-16
Packaged: 2018-05-14 08:53:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5737435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guycecil/pseuds/guycecil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once upon a time, Gintoki broke a window with a textbook. Kagura is determined to see justice served.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the monkey on your back is the latest trend

**Author's Note:**

  * For [perennials](https://archiveofourown.org/users/perennials/gifts).



> SUPER LATE half of a fic trade. This is really silly. Um, as far as explanation for this... My dad used to tell this story about a girl in his math class. We still haven't quite figured out the thought process there.

“How did you and Gin-chan meet, anyway?” Kagura asks one day. Or… one night. Something. She and Katsura are wandering a nearly abandoned supermarket at close to one in the morning because she had a nightmare and Katsura was babysitting because Gintoki had a job somewhere and -- Well. The whole thing is far more complicated than it needs to be.

“We were in the same class together in junior high,” he explains. He inspects the date on a carton of strawberry milk. He shouldn’t indulge Gintoki like this, but he also knows he’ll be in a terrible mood whenever he gets back, and some part of him hopes that maybe the vaguely fruity and incredibly disgusting drink will soothe it a bit. “Well, it wasn’t the first time we’d been in a class together, but the first real conversation we had took place after he threw one of my books out the window.”

Kagura stops in the middle of the aisle and stares at him. “What’d he do that for?”

“He never did tell me,” Katsura says a bit sadly. He puts the milk in the basket next to Kagura’s sukonbu and Shinpachi’s idol gossip magazines. “I always assumed he mistook it for one of his own.”

“How do you think a book on someone else’s desk is yours?” Kagura asks suspiciously.

Katsura sighs dramatically. “The inner workings of Gintoki’s mind continue to be a mystery to me.”

“I’m gonna find out,” Kagura declares. She has that look on her face -- the one where she’s made up her mind to do something and not even an alien invasion (which she would find  _ immensely _ cool under any other circumstances) could deter her from her goal now. Unfortunately, only Shinpachi and Gintoki know her well enough to recognize this face, and Katsura doesn’t know the warning signs.

“You do that,” he agrees, and with that, he seals their fate.

* * *

“Why’d you throw Zura’s book out the window?” Kagura asks, leaning over him while he’s trying to sleep.

“Go away,” he groans. He reaches out to feel for his phone, but Kagura snatches it away just as his fingers brush the edge. “Kagura!”

“You can have it back when you answer me!” she snaps. “Why’d you do it?”

“It wasn’t me,” he moans. He snatches for the phone, but she takes a quick step back and sticks her tongue out at him. “Don’t even know what you’re talking about. He’s just blaming me because he doesn’t have anyone else to blame! Tell him he can stick his book--”

“I think you’re lying,” Kagura says sternly, “but I’ll get the facts straight before I question you further. Until then, you’re under house arrest!”   
“You can’t arrest me in my own house! We don’t even live in a house!”

* * *

“He says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about,” Kagura informs him very seriously over the phone. “And he said you can stick your book--”

“What is this about again?” Katsura asks. He’s trying to juggle the phone and a duck and several kittens -- perhaps the animal shelter wasn’t his calling after all.

“Your book!” Kagura whines. Her breath comes like harsh static through the connection, and Katsura winces at the volume. “I’m trying to figure out why he did it, remember?”

“Did  _ what _ , exactly?” he asks.

“Threw it out the window!” she snaps.

Oh.  _ Oh. _ Katsura frowns down as the duck snaps at the cats until they give up and trail away dejectedly. “It doesn’t really surprise me that he doesn’t remember, Kagura, that was around fifteen years ago --”

“Exactly!” she crows. “He’s gone unpunished for too long! I’m not letting a suspect get away without a real verdict! And I can’t get the verdict without proper evidence, which means I need a motive!”

He finds himself suddenly distracted with the metaphor. “Who’s your judge?”

“Me!” Kagura proclaims. “Judge, jury, and executioner all in one!”

“You have a very dangerous legal system there, leader,” Katsura cautions her. “Be careful that power doesn’t go to your head.”

“Don’t worry, Zura,” she reassures him. “I’ve got it all taken care of. Just you wait, I’ll have our suspect behind bars before dinner!”

“It’s not Zura,” he starts to correct her, but she hangs up before he can finish. He stares at the phone for a little, afterwards, feeling bewildered. Somehow, he thinks as he combs fingers through the feathers of the duck with the large eyes in his hands, he’s dragged himself into something much deeper than he expected.

* * *

Kagura corners him during the eleven o’clock weather, which is grounds for chasing her around the apartment even under normal circumstances, but to make matters worse, she does so by plopping herself into his lap and waving a book in his face.

“Does this upset you, Gin-chan?” she demands. “D’you have the urge to throw it out the window like the terrible little man you are?”

“Get out of the way, you brat, Ketsuno Ana’s on!” he snaps. He lifts her easily and moves to set her off to the side, which is a wonderful plan because she weighs about as much as an angry cat, except that said angry cat has claws in the form of a book that can and does very easily smack him directly in the face. She even hisses, and any other time, he would rate her 5 stars, 10 out of 10, two thumbs up, but right now, he just wants her to stop hitting him in the goddamn face with a goddamn book.

“You little--” He cuts himself off as she leaps off the couch, likely anticipating his rage, and they spend a good twenty minutes chasing each other around the apartment before he finally makes it back to the living room and realizes that Ketsuno Ana’s broadcast is over. He immediately loses all will to fight anymore, and he slumps onto the couch with a groan.

Kagura stomps in behind him and sits on his stomach roughly, knocking the wind out of him for a second.

“Little monster,” he wheezes, clutching at his abdomen. “We’ll see if you ever get that dog you wanted now!”

“What’s the  _ point _ ?” she demands. “Why bother? It’s so silly, you would just end up havin’ to share with him anyway, right? And it’s not like you’d  _ want _ to, that’s gross, and ‘sides, you always complain that his hair smells, so it doesn’t make any sense!”

“This is about the book again,” Gintoki groans. “Let it go! I don’t even know what you’re talking about!”

“I will find out,” she proclaims very seriously. “I promise. You can’t escape your past crimes, Gin-chan, no matter how long ago they were!”

“Sure,” he agrees tiredly, and she gives up for the moment, sliding off of him and disappearing into the void of their apartment. She leaves the book behind on the coffee table, and he glares at it for a long few moments.

“This is your fault,” he mutters.

* * *

There is a knock on Katsura’s door, absurdly late. He’s drying his hair and preparing for bed when he hears a noise outside, but he ignores it at first, until the doorbell rings and he’s forced to confront it.

Really, it shouldn’t surprise him anymore -- no one else would ever bother to show up unannounced past midnight, but somehow the sight of the redhaired child and her brother-father figure wrestling outside his door still manages to catch him off guard.

“Good evening, Gintoki,” he says, doing his best to sound completely prepared and calm in the face of this unplanned interruption to his night, instead of just sounding tired.

“Zura!” Gintoki sweeps Kagura into his arms the same way he would a bag of laundry, a feat made more impressive by the fact that she continues to squirm and claw at him throughout the movement and after. “Tell this brat I’ve never thrown any of your books out the window and that you don’t have any idea what she’s talking about.”

“It’s not Zura, it’s Katsura,” he reminds him, but Gintoki’s too busy shoving Kagura’s hands out of his face to pay attention. “I’m afraid I may know what started this all.”

Gintoki pins Kagura’s hands together, ignoring her little hiss (like a wild animal, Katsura thinks, full of admiration), and glares at him. “I  _ knew _ this was your fault.”

“I believe I told her the story of how we first started talking in school,” Katsura says. Kagura has stilled now to watch events unfold, eyes wide, and he folds his arms neatly over his chest.

“What?” Gintoki frowns, and so Katsura slowly tells the story, and as he explains, Gintoki’s face reddens.

“I still don’t know what you’re talking about,” he says stubbornly though, when it’s over. “You’re making shit up.”

“Don’t use bad words, you bastard!” Kagura says, and elbows him in the chest, hard enough that he winces and drops her to the floor. She howls with indignation and Katsura closes his eyes and prays that his neighbors aren’t home.

“Why don’t you come inside?” he suggests. “I’m assuming you came here for more than that.”

“Uh…” Gintoki rubs at the back of his head. “Sure. We’ll go with that.”

So he and Kagura step inside and Katsura carefully locks the door behind them. Kagura wears herself out playing with the duck from the shelter -- pure white with huge eyes. He’s lovingly named it Elizabeth.

She climbs into Gintoki’s lap when she’s done playing and quickly begins snoring and drooling on his shirt. Katsura doesn’t think he’s noticed the drool, but considering he’s a disgusting enough sleeper on his own, he doubts he minds much. They sit next to each other on Katsura’s small couch while flipping through channels and avoiding picking anything.

“You really don’t remember?” Katsura asks, eventually.

Gintoki’s face goes red again. “Remember what?”

“Hmm.” Katsura glances over at him. “I wonder.”

“Don’t be an ass,” Gintoki mutters. He tucks Kagura’s head underneath his chin, a mostly thoughtless gesture. Katsura doesn’t think he’s even really noticed it. “Why’d you even bring it up? It’s stupid stuff. We were kids.”

“Plenty of other stupid things happened when we were kids that still matters now,” Katsura points out.

“Yeah, I guess.” Gintoki glances down at Kagura for half a second, and then looks back up at the TV.

“Why did you do it?” Katsura asks.

“Oh my god,” Gintoki groans. He closes his eyes and drops his head onto the back of the couch.

“She’s not awake,” Katsura says. He reaches out, mostly without thinking, and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “It’s not as if she’ll hear you admit you know exactly what I’m talking about.”

“That’s not the point,” Gintoki grumbles, but he looks like he’s thinking -- a refreshing expression, and one Katsura’s not used to on his face. Finally, he sighs. “It’s stupid.”

“I assumed so.”

“Shut _ up, _ ” Gintoki whines, and shoves an elbow into Katsura’s stomach, but not hard enough to do anything. “Look, I… Look. Kids do stupid stuff when they… you know.”

“I’m afraid I don’t,” Katsura says regretfully. Gintoki looks like he wants to kill him.

“When kids have crushes,” he announces suddenly, glaring, “they do stupid stuff to get people’s attention. Are you happy?”

“You had a crush on me?” Katsura asks, and he can’t quite help grinning.

“We’re--” Gintoki cuts himself off and bites his tongue. “I hate you.”

“I’m sure you do,” Katsura agrees. He leans in and presses their lips together, and Gintoki isn’t quite  _ happy _ , but Katsura suspects he’ll deal.

As he pulls back, Kagura shifts slightly, pops her eyes open, and winks at Katsura. When Gintoki isn’t looking, he presses a finger to his lips and winks back. He wonders how long it’ll take before one of them gives up, but he suspects he won’t have to wait long to find out.


End file.
